Grieving & Breaking The News

Grieving. This is something all of the information on babies with Down syndrome said we would feel. We would be sad, in denial, get angry and then eventually we would accept it. Aaron and I had a hard time with this. Mostly, aside from the first day we found out, neither of us had these feelings. We weren’t in denial, we didn’t get angry, there was no long lasting feeling of sadness. I kind of wondered if there was something wrong with us. I asked Aaron, “Do you think we just aren’t accepting it?” But we both felt like we were. We were going to have a baby with Down syndrome. Neither of us knew what this looked like or really what it meant for the future, but we knew it was happening. We knew there was nothing we could do to change it.

Then the question comes, “how are we going to tell people?” I waited till my mom and sister got to town (end of July) to be able to tell them in person. I remember my mom and sister both had tears well up in their eyes and I remember saying to them, “Don’t cry! You can’t cry. This isn’t something to be sad about.” Later, I realized I probably should have let them have their emotions and that I shut it out because I didn’t want to go there myself. I was determined that this was not going to be sad news. I didn’t want to “break the news” to people. I felt like that was tantamount to telling people you have cancer. How do you cheerfully tell something that most people are going to see as “bad” news.  My solution? Don’t.

I didn’t want to be on a prayer list- what good was prayer going to do about it, he has Down syndrome, it can’t be cured by prayer.  I didn’t want to hear “Oh well maybe they were wrong.” Though in the back corner of my mind, I won’t lie, I was hoping we would be the .1%- I didn’t need the false hope.  Aaron wanted to write up a letter or an announcement of some sort, but again, it seemed like we were breaking bad news. I didn’t want to label him. I just wanted him to be a baby not “have Down syndrome.” I managed to put it off and dissuade Aaron from doing anything…well…forever. We never announced it.